Several years ago, when I was going through breast cancer, I was given a list that I have tried to share often. It is a list of "Ways You Can Help Me Deal With Cancer". Even though I have been blessed with good health for the past four years, now my mother-in-law is going through lymphoma. It seems that in this day and time, all of us have been touched by this horrible disease in one way or another. So I would like to share this list once again.
To My Family and Friends
Ways You Can Help Me Deal With Cancer
1. Don't Avoid Me! Be the loved one or the friend you've always been.
2. Touch me. A simple squeeze of the hand can tell me you still care and I won't feel so isolated. A hug would be wonderful. (personal note: please do it gently!)
3. Call me and tell me you're bringing dinner and what time you'll arrive. Bring food in disposable containers so I won't have to worry about returns.
4. Take care of my children for me. Offer to baby sit, even if its just at my home and I'm there. I need to have some free time with my spouse and my children need a little vacation from my illness.
5. Cry with me when I cry and laugh with me when I laugh. Don't be afraid to share your emotions with me.
6. Take me out for a drive or for a pleasure trip, but be sensitive about how much I can do.
7. Call me for a shopping list and make a special delivery to my home.
8. Call before you visit, but don't be afraid to visit. Don't automatically assume that sickness requires rest at the expense of communication. I need you. I am lonely.
9. Help me celebrate holidays and special occasions by decorating my room in the hospital or at home by bringing little gifts and flowers and natural treasures.
10. Help my family. I am the sick one, but they are suffering too.
11. Be creative! Ask me whom I'd like to see and bring them to see me. Bring me a magazine or a book of thoughts, a poster for my wall, cd and cd player, a box of cookies to share with my visitors.
12. Let's talk about it. Don't be afraid to say the word cancer. Find out if I want to talk about it by asking, "Do you want to talk ab out it?"
13. Talk to me about real life - the life you are living in, so I can stay involved with what's happening in the world. And talk to me about the future, tomorrow, next week, next year.
14. Don't feel we always have to talk. We can sit silently together or just watch television. If you feel free to nap if I need to.
15. Include me in decision-making. I've already been robbed of so many things. I don't need to be left out of making decisions in my family and myself.
16. Could you help me with some cleaning? During my illness/treatment my family and I still face dirty clothes, dirty dishes, a dirty house. Make a specific offer - for example, say I will be over Monday to do your laundry and then DO IT!
17. Water my flowers (or clean my flower beds)
18. Just send me a card that says, "I care."
19. Pray for me and share your faith with me.
20. Remember that no matter what I look like or feel like, I amd STILL the ME I've always been inside.
